The Start of a Long Journey (Part I)

I am now down to less than a month before this baby is born. Having this baby will be the end of a long journey for M and me. (And of course the start of a new one.)

Before the baby comes I wanted to record this long journey. For myself, and for others who are curious or struggling with similar issues. When we were going through all of the fertility treatments to try and get pregnant I would search the Internet for stories of people that were in a similar situation. Sometimes I just needed to know that it does work for people, and conversely to be grateful because my situation was not as hard as others. There are some stories out there that will just break your heart. So for now, I'll start at the beginning. I want to be honest for the people that are struggling with similar issues. But I don't want to embarrass anyone either. Hopefully I can walk the fine line. To my friends and family... I guess don't read on if you don't want too much information.

B-man was born in 2004. We were totally surprised to find out that we were pregnant because we hadn't been trying. The timing was horrible as a teacher. No teacher wants to be due in September right after school begins. But we were so excited. Having B-man was wonderful, and so when he was about a year old we started to try and get pregnant. We were quite confident that within three months we would be pregnant. After all we hadn't even had to try before! Six months came and went without success. We were a little mystified, but still not panicked. I did start to wonder though. My cycle had been different ever since having Benjamin, and there was an incident with M that made us wonder.

After a few more months I heard from a few family members that there was a great book that helped a lot of women get pregnant. The book was called Taking Charge of Your Fertility it was an amazing book. I think every woman needs to read it because it was so informative. I started doing the basal temperature charting the next cycle. It worked on the very first chart! After nine months of trying we were finally pregnant! M and I were so excited, and to be honest relieved. I was getting nervous that it had taken so long to get pregnant. Unfortunately at nine weeks I found out that the baby had stopped developing. I was sad about the miscarriage. I was amazed that I was not more grief stricken. I think God was just helping me, and preparing me for things to come. Plus it gave me so much hope! I had been able to get pregnant! Now I knew what I needed to do to get pregnant. I was sure that we would be successful soon. In the meantime a lot was happening. While we were waiting to be able to try again, we moved across the country and tried to get settled into our new surroundings.

When we were allowed, we started trying again. I started using "charting" method again. For months I would wake up at 5:00 a.m. try not to move to much as I rolled over to get the thermometer, then try to see through sleepy eyes what the temperature was when the thermometer beeped. I did this every month for almost a year. When it got close to a year of trying post miscarriage I went to my ob/gyn. I brought my charts and explained that I was having a hard time getting pregnant. My doctor looked at my chart, and was impressed with my charting, but didn't have any answers for me. I was ovulating, and I had gotten pregnant twice, so they basically said give it more time. The said they couldn't do any of the testing that was really needed, but if I REALLY wanted to know that I should go to a regional infertility practice that is well known. I left the doctor's office so frustrated! I didn't need a fertility specialist, I was sure all I needed was a small fix. The thought of going to a fertility specialist almost brought me to tears. I have no idea why it was so upsetting; I just was sure that doctors were missing the little fix that I needed. How about some progesterone for my short luteal phase? (That was my self diagnosis. It makes me giggle now.)

My doctor's appointment was right before a long vacation to visit family. So I didn't really think about it much. While on vacation I got some wise advice from my mother-in-law. She basically told me that I should find out what my insurance covers and start thinking about going to the fertility specialist. When she talked about it, I felt a lot more calm, and the more I thought about it I realized that she was right. I wanted to be pregnant, I knew that I didn't just need more time. So I decided that when I got home I would start looking into insurance and what was covered, if anything. I felt confident and resolved. A specialist would be able to help me. They would figure out the small tweak I needed to get pregnant. Once again I was filled with hope...